Before I was a mum I spent most of my time shopping, I was a self confessed shopaholic. But who cared right? I was in my twenties, care free and enjoying life.
When I was 27, 3 months after I married my husband I fell pregnant with our now four year old boy, Rex.
During my pregnancy I wondered what he would look like, organised all his gorgeous unworn clothes, planning what he would wear first and dreamt about visiting friends and cooing over my new born baby whilst on maternity leave.
Boy o boy was I in for a shock.
On July 20th 2012 after a very painful three day labour, Rex was born. He was the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him.
That night whilst he slept I just watched him. My anxiety levels were so high I couldn’t sleep after the birth. I had already been awake for three days and I was exhausted from the birth, why was I wide awake?
This continued for days after to the point where I was getting hallucinations. I felt like I’d never sleep again. To add to this I had a problem with my hip and was readmitted to hospital (with Rex) whilst they tried to identify what was wrong. After doctors played guessing games I was sent home, still in pain with no diagnosis. Finally I went to a chiropractor who told me I had damaged the muscles in my back during the birth causing pressure on a nerve in my hip which was sending a lightening bolt pain down my leg every time I stood on it. After a few sessions I was fixed. Thank god!
Shortly after that Rex was diagnosed with Colic. Very common I know but the inconsolable crying is something else. For a new mum to try and comfort a baby that has screamed for five hours solid is a shock to the system. I couldn’t cope. My husband would come home to find me crying on the kitchen floor because I felt like a failure. Why was this nothing like I thought it would be? Why isn’t motherhood like it is in the films?
I’ve always been hormonal before I had children but my hormones took a big hit postpartum.
I eventually let my parents know I wasn’t coping and they came to my rescue. I felt ashamed and completely incompetent at this point. I hated to admit that I was failing as a mother.
One thing I struggled with was the loss of my identity. I didn’t know who I was anymore, my life had completely changed and I felt so alone, even though technically I wasn’t.
I never saw a doctor about how I was feeling as it was only afterwards that I was able to admit I that I had suffered from post natal depression.
Just before Rex was one I fell pregnant with our youngest son Mack. I was scared but feeling much more confident about what motherhood could potentially throw at me.
One thing we now needed was a bigger house.
We found a lovely cottage in the next village on from where we were living and moved in as soon as we could!
I started to visualise our future in this house as a family of four! I had something to look forward to… a project.
I immediately set up Pinterest boards and planning what I wanted to do with the house. We rent our house so we are slightly limited to what we can do, however I knew I wanted to make it our own for as long as it was our home.
I’ve always been interested in interiors but never had the opportunity to do what I want to do until now.
I have completely transformed nearly all the rooms and had great fun doing it.
By making my home my hobby I have found myself again. Not the old me, but a thirty something, interior obsessed, wife and mum of two boys, me!
I’m still a shopaholic but with a smaller income. I do a lot of upcycling and room makeovers, because for me, it’s so important to have an interest along side being a mother.
Another thing I have discovered a passion for is photography. I bought my first DLSR camera last year and I use it everyday.
My boys do and always will come first, but I put a lot of my spare time in to our home, because I enjoy it. My next plan is to make my hobby my career.
Wish me luck!